How to Talk About Giftedness Part 3 of 5 - What do giftedness and men's height have in common?

Recap of the January 2016 Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted Guest Lecture 

How to Talk About Giftedness - PART 3

What do giftedness and men’s height have in common?

Giftedness is usually defined as those members of the population whose intelligence is found in the 97^th percentile or above, or in about 3% of the population.  What if men’s height were to be plotted on the same bell curve?  Below you can see that a man’s height of 6’4” is at the 97^th percentile ranking, indicating that any man who is 6’4” or taller is found in less than 3% of the population.

Now, does intelligence in the 97^th percentile or above mean that gifted child is destined to being a successful rocket scientist?   Let’s ask a different question.  Does a man’s height in the 97^th percentile or above mean that he will be a successful pro basketball player?  Are they both guaranteed a yellow brick road in life?  The answers to these questions is an emphatic NO.

I have a friend who is 6’10” and he shared with me some opportunities and challenges that have come with his height.

Opportunities: 

•        Reach high places without step stool

•        Can see in a crowd and be found in a crowd

•        HS Basketball team

•        College basketball scholarship

•        Traveled Europe as a professional basketball player

•        Has a commanding presence at work

Challenges:  The world is not made for those in the 97^th percentile …

•        Was bullied in elementary and junior high

•        Must buy clothes and shoes at a specialty shop.  He is very appreciative of the Internet shopping!

•        Low doorways

•        Car shopping (Are adjustable seats adequate?  Does head hit the roof? Etc.)

•        Airplane seating.  For comfort he must sit in the exit isles, which ALWAYS costs extra!

Our Call to Action

Gifted Children, like children who are atypical in height, have unique needs and are often treated unfairly.  Share the example of height as you provide a comparison when discussing giftedness.  It will lower the listeners defenses and help them look at the issue in another light.

When the statement is made “It’s not fair,” ask the follow-up question, “To whom?”  If accommodations are being sought for a gifted child, how is this not fair to the typical child?  If the purpose of school is to learn and grow, then how is providing a learning opportunity for one child, but not another, considered fair?

In the Marland Report to Congress it was stated, “Gifted and Talented children are, in fact, deprived and can suffer psychological damage and permanent impairment of their abilities to function well which is equal to or greater than the similar deprivation suffered by any other population with special needs.”

As a nation we have a problem:

• Fastest growing homeschooling population is gifted children (often because children are misunderstood in the classroom, and not just for academic reasons)
• There is the persistent belief that giftedness is only an academic or education issue
• We cannot expect professionals to be able to meet the needs of these children when burdened by society’s misunderstandings

Tips to Have Good Conversations

	“We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them” – Livy

Help people be more comfortable with the conversation about giftedness  -

·         Make eye contact (sincere not aggressive)

·         Believe in the conversation (know you are helping kids who can’t help themselves)

·         Use humor

·         Use analogies

·         Find common ground (want to help all children)

·         Concentrate on gaining understanding through empathy

·         Be alert to opportunities and be brave in speaking up

·         Rely heavily on science and reason – better received “research is beginning to show…”

·         Use the word GIFTED without embarrassment/accept it when someone calls your kid smart

·         Separate yourself and/or your child from the conversation when appropriate

·         Use your own passion and affiliations to:

o   Share with professionals  (pediatricians, family therapists, etc.)

o   Comment on social media

o   Be public: Respond to blogs, write articles, have conversations, conduct meetings, teach, present…

With positive persistence, using analogies that are easy to relate to, we CAN talk about giftedness, dispelling myths and advocating well for our own children.

Stay tuned for part 4 in this series – The Gifted Child’s Bill of Rights

How to Talk About Giftedness Part 1 of 5 - The Gifted Label and Changing Mindsets

Recap of the January 2016 Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted Guest Lecture

How to Talk About Giftedness -  PART 1 (of a 5 part series)

The Gifted Label and Changing Mindsets

Bringing Giftedness Out into the Daylight!  A.K.A. Talking to others about giftedness, the Elephant in the Room!

It’s difficult to discuss giftedness with others.  Will I, as a parent of a gifted child, be perceived as elitist?  Will their eyes roll and they not believe me when I say my kid has struggles too?  If I don’t talk about it, how will I find others who understand what I deal with every day?  How will I find what is needed to help my child grow? 

As parents of gifted kids, what can we do?

We can learn to comfortably talk about giftedness in order to help create change.  We can start right where we are by refusing to agonizing over a better word.  As we fight the battle of semantics we are losing the war.  We can help desensitize people to the word “gifted” by educating them on its FULL meaning.  We can stop concentrating solely on what gifted is and give equal due to what it is NOT.  We all know it is NOT a guarantee of success.  It is NOT a life on the yellow brick road.

We can form alliances and look for common ground because it builds empathy and support.  We can go beyond “preaching to the choir.”  We can recognize and use common vocabulary, such as “work ethic,” “emotional development,” “learning to deal with frustration and competition,” etc.

The Gifted Label 

The gifted label does have its benefits.  It is helpful when requesting services.  It is helpful in the legislative venue, whether it’s a local, state or national level.  If we can’t name this condition then we are stuck!  So, we must change the understanding of the label.  Labels have changed throughout history and we can do our part to change the understanding of the gifted label.   

(For an example from history on how some labels have changed from the 1960’s to now, see the personal boyhood incident of Dr. Ben Carson in the book Gifted Hands, p. 38-39)

When talking about the gifted label, don’t get bogged down in the detailed definitions like percentile rankings, IQ scores, etc.  In this war these are less important than describing characteristics.  Use your own passion and affiliations to:

·         Share with professionals  (pediatricians, family therapists, etc.)

·         Comment on social media

·         Be public: Respond to blogs, write articles, have conversations, conduct meetings, teach, present, etc.

The Problem and Its Roots

The problem exists because there is a reluctance in our society to discuss giftedness, and because of this the needs of gifted children are not addressed.

The Roots of this problem are due to the fact that -

1.       Society limits giftedness to education

2.       Myths about giftedness are entrenched

3.       The concept of intelligence creates discomfort

Giftedness is broadly misunderstood and is often discussed only in the context of eminence, achievement and success.  This fosters the perception of elitism and perpetuates the myth that only the gifted can be successful in life.  Also, across all disciplines giftedness is misunderstood to be a topic only about education.  However, giftedness affects the development of the whole gifted child – intellectually, socially, emotionally, etc.

Solving these problems requires changing deep rooted mindsets …

Commit to being part of the solution.  Commit to speaking up.  Commit to educate without being aggressive.

Now that we’ve laid some groundwork regarding our mindsets, part two of this series will provide tips on how to bust some common myths about giftedness.  STAY TUNED!

Reminder - Guest Lecture on 4/14/16 "How Can I Talk to My Child About Giftedness?"

Reminder - Guest Lecture "How Can I Talk to My Child About Giftedness?" - Thursday, April 14, 2016

Join us for our Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted guest lecture.

Thursday, April 14, 7:00-8:15 p.m.

At the Greenfield Junior High Library

“How can I talk to my gifted child about giftedness?” 

Speaker: Rebecca Baker, Counselor, 

ASU Herberger Young Scholars Academy 

What does it mean to be gifted?

What is the brain development of a gifted child like? 

How do we explain giftedness to our gifted children?

Note: We will be holding Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted board elections at the beginning of this meeting. We are always looking for people to come join forces with us in being advocates for our gifted community. If you are interested, please email us at GilbertGifted@gmail.com for more information.

Article: "I Have a Gifted Kid and I Will No Longer Be Ashamed"

Here's a great article that we found on another website:

Yes, I have gifted children—born, not made. And I will no longer be ashamed to say my kids are gifted. …

… Here’s the deal. The word gifted does trigger thoughts of privilege and advantage, but it is the clinical term psychologists, doctors, and education professionals have used for years to identify and label children who were born with distinct cognitive differences—these differences can be good AND bad. It’s the way their brain was wired.

How can being gifted be a bad thing?

It can be a burden because too many in our society think gifted kids are the stereotypical straight-A, well-behaved students who get chosen to participate in those special, elite gifted programs at school and then graduate as valedictorians.

But, nope, not always.

Read the rest of the article HERE.  

"How to Talk About Giftedness" - Guest Lecture 1/21/16

Join us for our guest lecture to be held on Thursday, January 21st at 7:00 p.m. in the Greenfield Junior High Library (101 S Greenfield Road, Gilbert).

Stephanie Newitt, President of Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted, will be speaking to us about "How to talk about Giftedness: Bringing Giftedness out into the Daylight."

Come to this discussion to receive ideas on how to bring the topic of giftedness out of the dark crevices and into the daylight...or in other words, how to talk about that elephant in the room.   Please spread the word to other parents and educators.

Guest Lecture 1/15/15 - Social Communications for Gifted Students: Strategies to Help Strengthen Gifted Children's "SQ" (Social Quotient)

Parent Connections: As parents, we cannot control what happens on the playground. We cannot force kindness and friendship at school. Parents can only have direct input when it comes to relationships in the family and in the home. Care givers can make homes a place of safety and love. If our gifted children have deep roots and a strong foundation with family members, then our children will not be left with feelings of isolation. We must show our gifted children that they are unique and they are loved. 

We all like to receive love in different ways. Coming home to a clean kitchen may show that your husband loves you. Your mom may like to talk about how much fun you had as a child while growing up in her home. Your brother may do flips when given tickets to a football game. How does your child most like to receive love? Gary Chapman, author of multiple books describing the 5 Love Languages, suggests that in order for your child to truly feel accepted and loved, you must speak to the child’s primary love language. 

Using the links and documents below, discover how you can best show love to your gifted child. You must create a healthy relationship now, so that when your gifted child needs to talk about his feelings of isolation, perfectionism, anxiety, or depression, you are his trusted listener. 

1st → Take the 5 Love Languages test online and note the results 

2nd → To better understand each need, look at the descriptions of the love languages in the The Five Love Languages of Children

3rd → Look at the 50 Ways to Love Your Child for how to express love, and decide to implement strategies immediately

Guest Presentation: Social Communication for Gifted Students by Kathy Varga, M.S., CCC-SLP

Are you ever concerned about your gifted child’s verbal and non-verbal communitcation skills in social settings? Tonight Katherine Varga, a certified Speech Languange Pathologist, shared strategies that can help strengthen your child’s “SQ” (Social Quotient). Kathy Varga, as a member of the 2012 GPS Gifted Education Vision Committee, advocated for the social developmental needs of the gifted child. You can view her presentation at the link above. 

Guest Lecture - "Social Communications/Conversations" 1/15/15

Mark your calendars to attend our next guest lecture.

Thursday, 1/15/15

7:00-8:00 p.m.

Greenfield Elementary Library

Katherine Varga will be sharing strategies that can help strengthen gifted children's "SQ" (Social Quotient).  

Educators can receive certification hours for attending.

Hope to see you there!

Seeing the Forest for the Trees - By Stephanie Newitt

Dr. Amy Serin of the Serin Center was the keynote speaker at the September, AAGT Parent Institute.  She had these thoughts to share regarding parenting gifted kids to help us as parents see the forest for the trees.

Dr. Serin began with some biology and a look at brain cortical thickness.  This is the area of the brain that among a variety of cognitive abilities plays a key role in attention and perceptual awareness.   She shared with us a study that was conducted comparing the cortical thickness of children with typical intelligence to that of children with IQs in the 120s-130s.  The study found that in the group of gifted children, the cortex thickened at about age 11 years, but that the cortex thickened years earlier for children of typical intelligence.  

What does this mean to parents of gifted children?  This means, that biologically speaking, gifted children will struggle with their ability to self-regulate until about the age of 11 years old.  Combine this with their heightened curiosity and there is no wonder that young gifted children get distracted on their way to complete simple tasks such as feeding the dog or turning in homework. 

What can we as parents do to help our children who are still developing self-regulating abilities?

·         We can look at them and their development through the lens of giftedness. 

·         Don’t “should” your gifted child.  We tend to do this because we want THEM to make our lives easier.  Don’t look at typical kids to be the standard of a gifted child’s development.

·         Modulate expectations based on your gifted child’s needs.  Which executive functioning (self-regulating) trait does your gifted child have difficulty with?  Shifting activities?  Regulating their intense emotions?  Their overexcitibility? 

·         Motivate your gifted child, not with logic, but with rewards that will activate the dopamine levels in the brain.  Be aware of your gifted child’s developmental stages and identify their asynchronies.

·         As parents, we may need to BE the frontal lobe – giving direction and structure – while the brain of our gifted child is developing.  An example of this is that it is time for your gifted child to clean up her room.  You can break it down for them and give the direction to gather dirty clothes first, then help them with a short list of items they will gather together and put away (dolls, cars, etc.) 

·         Don’t parent based on parental entitlement.  Parent based on your child’s genuine needs.

·         Model self-soothing behavior and discuss with your gifted child why you chose this behavior and how it helped you.  Train your child to use appropriate self-soothing behavior also.  This can be as simple as when a project is frustrating, you get up and take a short walk in the fresh air.

·         When parenting your gifted child, empathize, discuss (but don’t focus on logic), distract, and put the situation into perspective.  Use humor. 

To illustrate this point, I remember when my 11 year old son was very frustrated that I had asked him to pick up the fallen citrus in the backyard.  “But I just did it last week!  I shouldn’t have to do it again!” he balked.  I let him know I understood, and that I was just thinking about him.  Since his older brother was about to mow the lawn, I thought he would prefer to pick up whole citrus as opposed to cut up pieces of fruit.  He repeated his mantra of frustration.  I then looked at him, and in a voice of empathetic frustration, said, “Well, then, you should take it up with the trees and tell them they have no business dropping fruit when you just picked up their mess last week!”  My son smiled, rolled his eyes, shook his head … and got his garbage bags and gloves.  

·         Dr. Serin continued … Regarding bullying.  Are you as a parent succumbing to victim mentality?  Be sure to not project a victim mentality on to your child.

·         Regarding self-regulating / executive functioning skills, Dr. Serin recommended the book -   Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare.

I highly recommend the annual AAGT Parent Institute to any parent of a gifted child.  Each time I go I’m reminded I’m not alone in this journey of parenting gifted children and I also bring home little nuggets of knowledge and skill that elevate my perspective.  I arrive home with greater peace – I remember that I love the panoramic view of the forest.

If you weren’t able to attend the AAGT Parent Institute this year, then please be sure to come to the Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted quarterly guest lectures.  Come to the GSG guest lectures and you will feel like you are not alone in this journey,  you will take home your own nugget of knowledge to raise your parenting perspective, and you just might find your own peaceful view of the forest.

MARK YOUR CALENDAR!  The next GSG Guest Lecture is Thursday, November 13th. 

If you liked this article, then you will really enjoy our November topic:  Ideas to help Gifted Children with Executive Functioning Skills.

SEE YOU ON NOVEMBER 13^TH!

AAGT Workshop: Communication for Gifted and Twice Exceptional Families - Oct. 15, 2014

Here is some information we received from AAGT about a free workshop they will be offering on Wednesday, October 15th.  Read on for more details. You're invited to our workshop! Wednesday Oct 15th, 2014 6pm-8pm in Glendale

Communication for Gifted and Twice Exceptional Families

Marriage and Family Therapist and gifted advocate Bob Yamtich has offered to put on a workshop about Communication for Gifted and Twice Exceptional Families. Gifted children have dual longings: to be contained and inspired by an authority figure, and to be respected and engaged with as an equal. The ability to be a humble authority requires self-understanding and empathy. Strategies inspired by Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can help, as all involved identify their needs, empathically hear the other, and clearly self-express what they are asking for. We will consider how gifted over-excitabilities (OEs) impact the needs involved in empathy and communication. NVC offers a process for rigorous exploration of feelings and needs which allows an analytical mind to connect with both emotional wisdom and practical requests. The gifted desire for autonomy and freedom is supported by clearly distinguishing what is joyful to contribute from what seems like a demand or obligation. Families can use the skills of discussing levels of willingness to make, hold, and renegotiate agreements with clarity and care. Problem solving, including reconnecting after a conflict, becomes more clear as people distinguish between needs and the strategies to meet needs. Compassion increases as people have a sense of being heard. The workshop includes an introduction to NVC, live practice, and tools for further work. The workshop is free and is for parents and their kids to attend together. Space is limited so register now to secure your spot! Email jmcgarry@azgifted.com to register.

When

WEDNESDAY OCT. 15, 2014From 6pm to 8pm

Where

WEST CAMPUS ASU 4701 W THUNDERBIRD ROADGlendale, AZ 85306