By Stephanie Newitt
Do your
kids ever give up before their task is complete? Do they ever have a meltdown over an
assignment they perceive as difficult?
Among the gifts our kids have, do we ever wish we could give them the
gift of persistence so they can work through difficulties and obtain the
rewards they seek.
This past
week we hosted a STEM camp for our kids and their cousins at our home. The children were divided into teams and were
to build their own Rube Goldberg contraptions to meet a specific goal. On the last day, about an hour before the end
of class, my youngest son left the project room, ran to his bedroom and locked
the door. He was frustrated with his
project and felt like giving up. I went
to his room. With coaxing he unlocked
the door. In a very neutral tone I
called him down from his bunk bed and asked him to stand in front of me. He had no idea why I was asking him to do
this and so while he complied, he wore a perplexed look on his face. As soon as he was in position, I scooped him
up, and held him upside down, while I jumped and wiggled around the room. By this time he was laughing!
“Mom!
What are you doing??”
“Remember
the movie ‘Big Hero 6’? You need to use
your great thinking brain to look at the problem from a different angle! You can
do this.”
“OK!
OK!” Amidst more of his laughter, I set
him upright on the floor.
He
returned to the project room and continued to work on their Rube Goldberg with
a more positive attitude until the “Show and Tell” moment with parents at the
end of class.
This
experience reminded me of the article by Dr. Dan Peters, “Coping
101: Building Persistence and Resilience
in Gifted Children.”
You are
invited to read this short article by Dr. Peters, where he uses his down to
earth approach to introduce a few steps that will help us build persistence and
resilience in our gifted children. The
steps he expands on are:
1. Improve frustration
tolerance (lengthen the fuse)
2. Teach them to use their
great “thinking brain”
3. Help them form a realistic
view of self and their abilities
4. Scaffold and support
weaknesses
5. Set up opportunities for
success
Throughout
these steps I would add to share family stories when family members have dealt
with adversity and then persevered. These
family stories can be powerful if shared in the right way. What strategies of persistence did Dad use
when he was looking for a job while a high school student? What motivators did Aunt Cathy use when she
was a kid and the cookies didn’t turn out like she wanted? Kids can come away from a family story
thinking, “Well, if they can do it, and we are related, then I can do it too.”
So whether
it’s sharing stories about how grandpa worked to make new friends when he moved
to a new school, or how mom didn’t give up on her scholarship applications, you
may also want to flip your kid upside down or just tap her on the shoulder and
say, “Tag! You’re it!” Including family stories of perseverance and
creating moments of uplifting humor can be a part of your scaffolding strategy
and little by little you will be able to help your child build persistence and
resilience.
Do you
want to know how to effectively use family stories in your parenting scaffolding? Then check out this article from the New York
Times – The Stories that Bind Us
Big Hero 6 –
“Look for a new angle” 15 second video clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpUPv4B-pxQ
