How to Help Your Child Overcome Failure

By Jill Humpherys

                As a new parent, you hold your baby in your arms and dream of a future where your child is the cutest, smartest, most popular person who is quarterback, valedictorian, and student body president all at once.

                You may have that child that always gets the part in the school play or makes the winning basket, but for most of us, sooner or later, reality intrudes and we have to help our son or daughter learn to deal with failure.

                How do you comfort a child who has given his best effort and fallen short of his goal?  How do you help her learn from her mistakes?  How do you encourage your child to move forward when he is discouraged?

1.       Congratulate your child on having the courage to try.   Many times, people allow a fear of failure to hold them back from even making an attempt.

2.       Listen to your child with empathy.  Now is not the time to lose your cool and berate her.  Most children and teens are very sad when they face the reality of  failure.  They need time to talk through their feelings about what happened.  They may need time to grieve for their dream.  Your listening ear and quiet empathy can help them to begin healing.

3.       Ask thoughtful questions about insights that he or she may have gained:  What did you like best? What did you like least?  What were your strengths and challenges?  What did you learn from this?  Help your child gain insights into what he or she accomplished despite obstacles.

4.       Help your child to see this event not as a failure, but as a setback.  “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”  Explore other avenues and other paths.  Perhaps not a part in the play, but part of the stage crew.  Perhaps not valedictorian, but a supportive friend.  Perhaps not a quarterback, but a member of the team.

Each of us has to learn what our strengths and our struggles are.  Sometimes that means dealing with failure.  Learning to overcome obstacles and to move forward is a sign of maturity.  Compliment your child as he or she moves forward and tries again or finds other endeavors to pursue.  Your support can lessen the disappointment and provide encouragement at a challenging time in your child’s life.