Top 10 Reasons Why Your Gifted Child Procrastinates

Ten reasons why your gifted child procrastinates

Procrastination: that vexing time thief so many gifted children face. You watch as your bright, curious child, passionately engaged in so many interests, comes to a screeching halt when a project is due. You coax, cajole, demand, bribe, threaten, and stand on your head, yet nothing will budge. What gives?

While most people procrastinate from time to time, some develop a chronic pattern fraught with avoidance, disorganization and frantic efforts as deadlines loom. Before you nag your child one more time, rush out and buy yet another self-help book, or hit your head against the wall, you may first want to sort out the reasons for the procrastination. Usually there are one or more contributing factors, and if you sort these out, you may be better prepared to tackle the problem.

Here are some possible reasons for procrastination:

1.  Distractibility - Some gifted children are so immersed in their interests that they have difficulty focusing on the task at hand. They become easily distracted by more engaging ideas or projects. Overscheduling can exacerbate this problem; however, distractions can arise even without competing demands once the child's passions and interests take hold.

2.  Disorganization - Gifted children can struggle with poor organizational and planning abilities and can lack time management skills. Despite motivation to complete a project, they may become overwhelmed when it involves more attention to details or long-range planning than usual. Difficulty managing their time and structuring how they will work is frequently the root of this problem.

3.  Apathy - Sometimes gifted children have become so bored and disgusted with school that they lose interest and don’t really care about the quality of their work. They delay completing assignments because the work seems meaningless. They would rather engage in a multitude of other activities than “waste” their time on rote paperwork or assignments that seem too easy.

4.  Past success - Some gifted children procrastinate because they can get away with it. Many have learned that completing assignments at the last minute does not diminish the quality of their work or harm the outcome. They know they can do better, but with a track record of excellent grades behind them, they realize they don’t have to work very hard to just slide by.

5.  Rebellion - Procrastination can be an expression of resistance or quiet rebellion against completing an assignment a child resents. It is a means of devaluing the project, minimizing its importance, and expressing anger about having to work on something unappealing. Even if the project is eventually completed, delaying it until the last minute is a form of silent protest that may feel empowering to the child.

6.  Perfectionism - High expectations of achieving success can create anxiety and a desire to delay that which is distressing. When gifted children worry that they might not excel on a given task, they may put it off until the last possible minute. Clearly, this can be a recipe for increased anxiety and inevitable 11:00 PM melt-downs. 

7.  Self-sabotage - Some gifted children (and gifted adolescents in particular) try to hide their abilities from others. In an attempt to blend in, they may disguise their talents, perform poorly, and disengage from academics. Procrastination may reflect their ambivalence about confronting this dilemma and uncertainty about whether to minimize their abilities or live up to their potential. And if the quality of their work suffers, then they can perpetuate the image they want to convey.

8.  Insecurity - Despite their apparent skills, some gifted children doubt their abilities. They may feel like "imposters" and worry that their inadequacies will be "discovered" at any time. They believe that they have an image to uphold and if they fail in some manner, they will be outed as a fraud. Delaying completion of a project is a means of avoiding the inevitable anxiety that arises when they confront this fear.

9.  Shame - Along with insecurity, some gifted children experience feelings of shame if they fail to excel. They react as if this is an indictment against their intelligence and suspect that others will view them as inadequate. As a result, procrastination can be an excuse; if a less than perfect grade is attributed to a rushed, last-minute effort, then the child can believe that actual ability was never to blame.

10. Depression - Occasionally, procrastination may be a symptom of depression. However, it usually coincides with other signs, such as withdrawal and isolation from peers, apparent sadness, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, and irritability. In these situations, procrastination may be a reflection of feelings of hopelessness and a perception that school work lacks any meaning.

Sorting out the cause of your child's procrastination is the first step toward working on the problem. A one-size-fits-all approach based on the latest self-help ideas may not work for your child's specific situation. Clearly, a child whose procrastination is the result of perfectionism and shame will need a different approach than one whose primary concern is apathy.

Gather information, speak with your child, listen to what your child thinks. Make a decision about whether the problem is behavioral (habits, distractibility, time management), school based (boredom, apathy), and/or the result of anxiety or depression. Determine whether intervention needs to occur at home, school, or both, and whether a counselor, school psychologist, or therapist would help to address the problem.

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Picky Eaters and Supersensitivities

By Tawnya Sherman

Often gifted kids are picky eaters. There may be a cause other than stubbornness!  This might be a sign of the kinds of intensities that can be seen in gifted children.  Polish psychologist, Kazimierz Dabrowski, identified five of these intensities, which he called overexcitabilities or supersensitivities:: Psychomotor, Sensual, Emotional, Intellectual, and Imaginational.  Picky eaters may derive from the overexcitability related to the senses.

Sensual à The primary sign of this intensity is a heightened awareness of all five senses: sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing. Children with a dominant sensual overexcitability can get sick from the smell of certain foods or as toddlers will hate to walk on grass in their bare feet. The pleasure they get from the tastes and textures of some foods may cause them to overeat.

·      Appreciation of beauty, whether in writing, music, art or nature. Includes love of objects like jewelry

·      Sensitive to smells, tastes, or textures of foods

·      Sensitivity to pollution

·      Tactile sensitivity (Bothered by feel materials on the skin, like clothing tags)

·      Need or desire for comfort and pleasure

Imaginational Overexcitability

("Heavenly Nostrils" cartoon by Dana Simpson can originally be found HERE)

Gifted people often demonstrate some of Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities.  One of the categories is called Imaginational Overexcitability.  While in pre-school, my son had an imaginary friend named, Jelly-lo.  My child was a quiet boy while Jelly-lo was incredibly naughty.  My son was able to experiment with the world by talking about Jelly-lo's bad behavior and then asking about consequences.  While in the primary grades, my boy lived in a world of mice.  During his playtime, he was a teacher of a classroom of mice, and he blew a whistle to bring the imaginary class to order,  These mice played with my child and his real friends while on the playground at school, and the mice also went on adventures with my son and his real grandpa. Read below to see if any of Dabrowski's descriptions have made an appearance in your family's life.

IMAGINATIONAL OVEREXCITABILITY

Imaginational OE reflects a heightened play of the imagination with rich association of images and impressions, frequent use of image and metaphor, facility for invention and fantasy, detailed visualization, and elaborate dreams (Dabrowski & Piechowski, 1977; Piechowski, 1979, 1991). Often children high in Imaginational OE mix truth with fiction, or create their own private worlds with imaginary companions and dramatizations to escape boredom. They find it difficult to stay tuned into a classroom where creativity and imagination are secondary to learning rigid academic curriculum. They may write stories or draw instead of doing seatwork or participating in class discussions, or they may have difficulty completing tasks when some incredible idea sends them off on an imaginative tangent.

(This post was written by Tawnya Sherman)

See more about overexcitabilities at this website.

Seeing the Forest for the Trees - By Stephanie Newitt

Dr. Amy Serin of the Serin Center was the keynote speaker at the September, AAGT Parent Institute.  She had these thoughts to share regarding parenting gifted kids to help us as parents see the forest for the trees.

Dr. Serin began with some biology and a look at brain cortical thickness.  This is the area of the brain that among a variety of cognitive abilities plays a key role in attention and perceptual awareness.   She shared with us a study that was conducted comparing the cortical thickness of children with typical intelligence to that of children with IQs in the 120s-130s.  The study found that in the group of gifted children, the cortex thickened at about age 11 years, but that the cortex thickened years earlier for children of typical intelligence.  

What does this mean to parents of gifted children?  This means, that biologically speaking, gifted children will struggle with their ability to self-regulate until about the age of 11 years old.  Combine this with their heightened curiosity and there is no wonder that young gifted children get distracted on their way to complete simple tasks such as feeding the dog or turning in homework. 

What can we as parents do to help our children who are still developing self-regulating abilities?

·         We can look at them and their development through the lens of giftedness. 

·         Don’t “should” your gifted child.  We tend to do this because we want THEM to make our lives easier.  Don’t look at typical kids to be the standard of a gifted child’s development.

·         Modulate expectations based on your gifted child’s needs.  Which executive functioning (self-regulating) trait does your gifted child have difficulty with?  Shifting activities?  Regulating their intense emotions?  Their overexcitibility? 

·         Motivate your gifted child, not with logic, but with rewards that will activate the dopamine levels in the brain.  Be aware of your gifted child’s developmental stages and identify their asynchronies.

·         As parents, we may need to BE the frontal lobe – giving direction and structure – while the brain of our gifted child is developing.  An example of this is that it is time for your gifted child to clean up her room.  You can break it down for them and give the direction to gather dirty clothes first, then help them with a short list of items they will gather together and put away (dolls, cars, etc.) 

·         Don’t parent based on parental entitlement.  Parent based on your child’s genuine needs.

·         Model self-soothing behavior and discuss with your gifted child why you chose this behavior and how it helped you.  Train your child to use appropriate self-soothing behavior also.  This can be as simple as when a project is frustrating, you get up and take a short walk in the fresh air.

·         When parenting your gifted child, empathize, discuss (but don’t focus on logic), distract, and put the situation into perspective.  Use humor. 

To illustrate this point, I remember when my 11 year old son was very frustrated that I had asked him to pick up the fallen citrus in the backyard.  “But I just did it last week!  I shouldn’t have to do it again!” he balked.  I let him know I understood, and that I was just thinking about him.  Since his older brother was about to mow the lawn, I thought he would prefer to pick up whole citrus as opposed to cut up pieces of fruit.  He repeated his mantra of frustration.  I then looked at him, and in a voice of empathetic frustration, said, “Well, then, you should take it up with the trees and tell them they have no business dropping fruit when you just picked up their mess last week!”  My son smiled, rolled his eyes, shook his head … and got his garbage bags and gloves.  

·         Dr. Serin continued … Regarding bullying.  Are you as a parent succumbing to victim mentality?  Be sure to not project a victim mentality on to your child.

·         Regarding self-regulating / executive functioning skills, Dr. Serin recommended the book -   Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare.

I highly recommend the annual AAGT Parent Institute to any parent of a gifted child.  Each time I go I’m reminded I’m not alone in this journey of parenting gifted children and I also bring home little nuggets of knowledge and skill that elevate my perspective.  I arrive home with greater peace – I remember that I love the panoramic view of the forest.

If you weren’t able to attend the AAGT Parent Institute this year, then please be sure to come to the Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted quarterly guest lectures.  Come to the GSG guest lectures and you will feel like you are not alone in this journey,  you will take home your own nugget of knowledge to raise your parenting perspective, and you just might find your own peaceful view of the forest.

MARK YOUR CALENDAR!  The next GSG Guest Lecture is Thursday, November 13th. 

If you liked this article, then you will really enjoy our November topic:  Ideas to help Gifted Children with Executive Functioning Skills.

SEE YOU ON NOVEMBER 13^TH!

AAGT Workshop: Communication for Gifted and Twice Exceptional Families - Oct. 15, 2014

Here is some information we received from AAGT about a free workshop they will be offering on Wednesday, October 15th.  Read on for more details. You're invited to our workshop! Wednesday Oct 15th, 2014 6pm-8pm in Glendale

Communication for Gifted and Twice Exceptional Families

Marriage and Family Therapist and gifted advocate Bob Yamtich has offered to put on a workshop about Communication for Gifted and Twice Exceptional Families. Gifted children have dual longings: to be contained and inspired by an authority figure, and to be respected and engaged with as an equal. The ability to be a humble authority requires self-understanding and empathy. Strategies inspired by Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can help, as all involved identify their needs, empathically hear the other, and clearly self-express what they are asking for. We will consider how gifted over-excitabilities (OEs) impact the needs involved in empathy and communication. NVC offers a process for rigorous exploration of feelings and needs which allows an analytical mind to connect with both emotional wisdom and practical requests. The gifted desire for autonomy and freedom is supported by clearly distinguishing what is joyful to contribute from what seems like a demand or obligation. Families can use the skills of discussing levels of willingness to make, hold, and renegotiate agreements with clarity and care. Problem solving, including reconnecting after a conflict, becomes more clear as people distinguish between needs and the strategies to meet needs. Compassion increases as people have a sense of being heard. The workshop includes an introduction to NVC, live practice, and tools for further work. The workshop is free and is for parents and their kids to attend together. Space is limited so register now to secure your spot! Email jmcgarry@azgifted.com to register.

When

WEDNESDAY OCT. 15, 2014From 6pm to 8pm

Where

WEST CAMPUS ASU 4701 W THUNDERBIRD ROADGlendale, AZ 85306

Gifted 101 Meeting

One of the most important themes to take away from a Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted meeting, is that information creates understanding and power.  As parents, if we are informed about the characteristics, the strengths, the frequent behaviors, and the weakness of our gifted children, then we can facilitate more success in the home and in school.  There is a support system here.  You are not alone.  Feel free to view some of the documents that were passed out during the initial Gifted 101 meeting on September 4th.  We hope to see you again on November 13th.